The Conversion of Saul

Acts Chapter 9
But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Way, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. Now as he journeyed he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed about him. And he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting;

Saul, breathing threats and murder against disciples of the Lord, who belong go the Way (the Truth and the Life-John 14:6).  How interesting it is that when Saul is struck by the light, Jesus tells him, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting."  He didn't say "my friends" or "my disciples," he said it is "me".  Do we ever think about what we do, or what others do to us, affects and involves Jesus?  I know that I too often don't remember that Jesus is on my side. 

...but rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.” The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but seeing no one. Saul arose from the ground; and when his eyes were opened, he could see nothing; so they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank.

What would it be like to suddenly be blind?  What would it be like to be told that Jesus knows what you've done and now you can't see.  Can we even imagine what when through Saul's mind?  I can imagine that he replayed many scenes over and over.  The people he had put to death, like Stephen, the threats, those in prison, and that Voice. Did Saul wonder how Jesus knew?  And now what?  Just that thought alone must have brought great fear to Saul.  What would we do with three days to face our faults?

Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Anani′as. The Lord said to him in a vision, “Anani′as.” And he said, “Here I am, Lord.” And the Lord said to him, “Rise and go to the street called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for a man of Tarsus named Saul; for behold, he is praying, and he has seen a man named Anani′as come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight.”

"House of Judas."  Well played, God.  The Disciple who betrayed is replaced by a traitor who becomes an amazing Disciple.

But Anani′as answered, “Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to thy saints at Jerusalem; and here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call upon thy name.”

Been there, done that, I've felt threatened, I've been verbally threatened, but no one has threatened me with my life.  How many Ananias moments do we have every day?  Ananias must have felt terrified at first!  How much do we let fear decide what we do?  Perfect Love casts our all fear (1 John 4:18).  Ananias is a great example.  Was Ananias afraid?  Probably, but he didn't let that fear stand in his way of doing God's will.  Saint Ananias, pray for me!

But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel; for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” So Anani′as departed and entered the house. And laying his hands on him he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came, has sent me that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized, and took food and was strengthened.

For several days he was with the disciples at Damascus. And in the synagogues immediately he proclaimed Jesus, saying, “He is the Son of God.” And all who heard him were amazed, and said, “Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called on this name? And he has come here for this purpose, to bring them bound before the chief priests.” But Saul increased all the more in strength, and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ.

How amazing that must have been.  Saul, who experienced a perfect 180, now wanted to learn EVERYTHING he could about the God who called him.  Whatever he did to harm, God forgave and called Saul to something more.  Every day, moreover, every time we to go Reconciliation, we have the SAME opportunity as Saul.  A perfect chance to change.  Do we?  Do our lives show it?  Today's Gospel continues the miracles of conversion:

Mark 16:15-18
Jesus appeared to the Eleven and said to them:
"Go into the whole world and proclaim the Gospel to every creature.   Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved; whoever does not believe will be condemned.  These signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will drive out demons,  they will speak new languages.  They will pick up serpents with their hands, and if they drink any deadly thing, it will not harm them.  They will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover."

Notice the order:  1) Whoever believes 2) and is baptized 3) will be saved.  We baptize "assuming" the faith is there or will be.  Is it?  If it is, where are the miracles today?  "These signs will accompany those who believe."  The signs accompanied Saul, and the Apostles.  Do they accompany us?  This is a really hard question to ask myself.  I don't believe that the Holy Spirit has gotten weaker as time goes on.  God is the same as who he was then.  What do you and I need to do to lead others and show others our God?

Saul's story is only starting.  May we, too, increase all the more in strength, proving that Jesus is the Christ.

Ruminate

How do you celebrate a new year?  I've never been a resolution fan, I've discovered that's a good way to make me feel like a failure by January 20.  I've seen Saint of the Year generators online, I've seen blogs with advice on how to listen for God to tell you your Scripture Verse of the Year.   Then there's the option of focusing on a Word of the Year.  Just one word - all year.  That was an interesting thought, but something different was coming to me.  

It was "ruminate."  It's not a word that one really want to ponder for 365 days, but it's a vice that has been a work in process for a while and the word has shown up too many times to be a coincidence.

Ruminate.  ˈrü-mə-ˌnāt  :to think carefully and deeply about something. 

When's the last time you actually spent time ruminating?  For example:

A few weeks ago at mass the word "duty" struck me.  Duty.  Do you know where the word "duty" is in the Mass?  In the Eucharistic Prayer, the priest says:  It is truly right and just, our duty and our salvation always and everywhere to give you thanks, Lord, Holy Father...

Duty is defined as obligatory tasks, conduct, service or functions that arise from one's position (as in life or a group).  As in - it's not an option.  Not only is it not an option, it's our salvation, to always and everywhere give thanks to God.  Ruminate on that one for a while!

A few weeks ago, we said the Blessing for Meals at supper.  Have you ever pondered that little prayer?  We ask God to bless us and these gifts that we're about to receive from his bounty.  Have you ever thought about God's bounty?  I'll bet it's big.  Yet we're asking Him to bless this little plate of food. (Leftovers get blessed twice!)  Why do we only say this prayer at meals?  What else have we received from his bounty that we have not asked him to bless or thanked him for?

Today is Epiphany.  During one of the hymns at mass we sang, "Good Christians, fear: for sinners here the silent Word is pleading."  I didn't finish singing the song.  I ruminated.  The song doesn't say "hear". It says "here."  The Word is pleading (plead: ask for something in a serious or an emotional way) for sinners here.  Good Christians, are we Christ for sinners? 

There's one more step that can and should be taken after ruminating Scripture, the Mass or our prayers.  We need to internalize.  We need to make it an important part of the kind of person we are. 

This year, join me in listening for those words or phrases that God wants us to ruminate on and may we ask God to let the fruit of our ruminations internalize.  Now that I look at it, that is a pretty big New Year's Resolution anyway.

Who's holding the reins?

On occasion I get something to write about.  This is one of those times.

It was one of those Iowa its-finally-spring evenings we wait all winter for, no bugs, no wind, a new outdoor table & chairs, a cold beverage and family.  There was such great conversation, too, as it was his family and my family, who hadn't seen each other for years, probably the last time our older son graduated from high school.  Oh, the stories our families can tell.  Across the generations, everyone has experiences that are one-of-a-kind.

As one particular story unfolded that night, a prompting from somewhere, probably the Holy Spirit, told me to listen close.  It was a story about a hunting trip to the Little Big Horn Mountains.  This small group of hunters was on horseback, following the guide back to camp.  Nightfall came, and nightfall in the mountains under forest cover is about as dark as it gets.  Have you ever toured a cave?  If you have, I'm sure at some point the guide turned off the lights and let the group experience complete darkness.  What you find out at that moment, is that your eye searches for light.  Any light.  If there's a kid in the group with those flashy light-up shoes that's cheating!  And while you know that there's rock below, above and all around you, you lose your place in space.  You search for light to see where you are.  If you want to experience it again, stay at a hotel, lay in bed and turn all the lights off (not necessarily in that order).  Eventually your eye adjusts, and the light coming in under the door ruins the effect, but for a few moments, you're lost in the dark.

On this hunting trip that night, it was so dark that the only light that the rider could see was an occasional spark from the shoes of the horse ahead him.  That's really dark.  The next thing the guide told them to do was to drop the reins of the horse.  He said that the horse will find camp, but they had to let the horse lead.  The hunter said that in the pitch black night, the horse veered to the left, went straight, and around a curve.  Eventually he heard the horses ahead of him walk through the creek and then he knew the vicinity of where they were.  Soon, the horse went around another curve to the right, and there was the light of the fire at the camp.

Why did I need to hear this story?  Because nearly every aspect of my life has changes ahead.  Actually, at the time when I thought enough was enough, another announcement was made and boom!  More change.  That's why God said, "Drop the reins."  I have no clue what's ahead or how to get there.  I'm pretty sure no matter what path I would pick, it would be the path that runs too-often parallel, even maybe, at times, perpendicular to God's path.  I've got to drop the reins.

"Raphah" is the Hebrew word that means to let drop, or let go, especially the hand. It envisions a horseback rider dropping the reins and letting the horse do what he knows how to do.  Raphah also has another meaning, that is to be still, to listen.

Psalms 46:10 tells us to "Be still and know that I am God."  For a while I may paraphrase it to read, "Be still, God's got this.  Go ahead and drop the reins."

Who am I to You?

On Dr. Tom Curran's audio on Becoming a Magnificent Leader, he asks the question, "God, who am I to you?"  It's a question I ask often when I pray.  Somehow life is more comforting and secure if we know who we are to our spouses, family, co-workers and friends.  But who are we to God?

Last night I happened to catch - well, it was a fluke really - the Steubenville 4 youth conference.  Saw on FB that it was streaming on Cross Roads radio on Life365.  I tuned in.  The speaker was telling the thousands of kids there that you "can't know who you are, until you know Whose you are."

This morning, as I start the 33 Days, I also read the daily scriptures and the WAU meditation, which says, "You are precious in God’s sight, not because of what you can do but simply because of who you are. You are his child, created in love, redeemed in love, sustained in love, and destined for love."  May we never forget it.

Ascetic

This link begins a series of blog posts on asceticism. I wonder if I'll get them all read.

http://friendswithchrist.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-secular-ascetic.html

Reading

Summer, so far, has been good for reading.  Or finishing up reading.  There were 5 books on my stack, I was reading them all.

I finished up Navigating the Spiritual Life  as I've been thinking of getting a spiritual director.  They are few & far between, so until God puts one in my path, I'll keep reading.

I've read Forming Intentional Disciples by Sherry Weddell.  Whoa.  That book makes you stop and think.  I highly recommend it.  It also made me ponder the comments I get about why some converts are more excited about the Catholic faith than cradle Catholics are.  Can it be because they brought their relationship with Jesus along when they joined the church?  Probably.

My latest read has been Gary Thomas' Sacred Pathways.  As I read it, I really didn't see myself in any of the temperaments.  Until I got to ascetic, that is.  Whoa, fit me to a tee.  Actually the contemplative was pretty close.  The surprise, however, was with intellectual.  I've been told that I know a lot and somehow I can retain a lot.  I truly didn't expect to fit in that category.  Maybe that's why I just can't seem to get enough to read.

Which reminds me, as if I don't have enough books at home, amazon is calling my name...

What's the big to-dew?

If your Eucharistic prayer was a "usual" this morning, you heard it twice....  you heard about dew.

The first time I heard "send down Your Spirit like the dewfall" I had to quick read the missalette to see if that's really what the priest said.  Dew doesn't fall!  Dew forms and it's just  ...  "there" in the morning.

Dew.  Have you ever really thought about it?  What does it mean to have the Spirit descend like the dewfall?  That's quite a gentle example, isn't it?  God doesn't force us to love him, we're not dumped on like a heavy rain.  If we're open to his Spirit, the fruits of that Spirit will become an outward sign of God's love.  Gently and quietly, we awaken to find that dew (the fruits of His labor) has formed and not only is God working in our lives, but He has become our source of life.

The folks in our first reading today experienced dewfall, too.  After their grumbling, God send them dew.  When the dew dried, what was left?  Manna.  Bread from heaven.  Their bread of life, supplied by God every day.  Did you know that God told Moses to put manna in the Ark of the Covenant?  OK, so they got tired of manna and kept complaining (just how much bamanna bread can one eat, anyway?), but that "bread of heaven" was saved in their tabernacle to remind them of who is taking care of them.

Remind you of anyone?  Sometimes we're like that, too.  Which reminds me...  I've got to remember to schedule some time to visit that Blessed Manna this week.  Life has been busy - the new boss moved in last month; the boys are preparing for school, one for high school, the other for college and we still haven't gotten away this summer!  Prayer time is usually the first to go when life gets in the way.  However, nothing refreshes the soul or allows the dew to fall and form, like a visit to the Tabernacle.  Find some time to pray this week.